This is the sign of Christianity

Posted on December 27, 2012 by david

This is the sign of Christianity. However much man should do and how many justifying works he should perform, he should feel that he has accomplished nothing. And when he fasts, he should say, “I have not fasted.” When he prays, let him think, “I have not prayed.” Persevering in prayer he should say, “I have not persevered. I have only begun to practice asceticism and to labor.” And even if he is righteous before God he should say, “I am not righteous. I am not working, but begin each day.” He ought every day to have the hope and joy and confidence in the future kingdom and in redemption and say, “If today I have not been delivered, tomorrow I will be.”

St. Macarius the Great points to the sign of Christianity, i.e., humility.

What a Difference a Year Makes

Posted on August 27, 2012 by eileen

I haven’t been writing much lately. Instead of reflecting with paper and pen, I am finally at a point where I can do more and move into some areas that I’ve been prayerfully considering. I’m happy to be alive, with such a great quality of life besides.

Just one year ago, on August 25^th, I was undergoing a blood transfusion. I was waiting for chemo treatment to begin, and had been told about my diagnosis: metastatic breast cancer in the bones and marrow. The doctor wouldn’t even venture a guess at a prognosis. He just said, “I’ll have to see how you respond.”

I’m so very grateful, that one year later I have far more energy than last year. I’m back to my old walking speed, and at times I just want to keep walking. I enjoy it so much.

I’ve changed doctors in the last few months. Since things have stabilized and a treatment plan has been established, I felt it would be a good idea to look outside the confines of the doctor who had treated me. At the encouragement of an old friend I looked into hospitals that specialize in cancer. When I began investigating, I realized that I was not only close to City of Hope, but UCLA as well. UCLA is considered the best in the State, and ranks 10^th in the nation. I chose UCLA, and was scheduled for an appointment the same week! It was amazing that I could get in as early as I did, with an MD who does research in breast cancer and teaches at the medical school.

She confirmed that my treatment plan was appropriate, but did have other options outside of chemo if my body did not respond. Since I’ve been feeling so good, I thought it was best to make a change to a new doctor so he/she could get to know me as a patient. Late last year UCLA opened up a satellite office in Irvine, only 20 minutes from my house! So, I am getting the benefit of UCLA research and knowledge without the major trip into LA. I believe God opened the doors to make this change.

My new doctor has a different demeanor and it has been quite an adjustment for me. I’ve gone from a blood test every 2 weeks, to a blood test every other month. I’m still trying to get used to it. She assures me that more frequent blood tests are not necessary at this time, that the blood does not change that quickly. About 2/3 of her patients are breast cancer patients and she came highly recommended by her colleague that I met with in LA, so I think this must be okay. She has also allowed me to have the chest port removed, which is used for easy access to my arteries. Since other drugs would be used before chemo, she says that it is not necessary. This has been an especially welcome change of course. The port itself was painless, but tubing did run up my neck and that was very uncomfortable.

I praise God for all of these changes. I don’t have the constant sense that I am a sick person, which the repeated blood draws and accompanying doctor appointments did do. As long as I feel fine I don’t have to have this cloud hanging over me. My new doctor even remarked that this seemed like it would not be good for one’s mental well-being to be under such close supervision (and in her opinion, so unnecessarily.)

You can pray for God to give me wisdom and discernment with this new “approach.” I liken it to going from a 20 foot tether, to be pushed off a plane without a parachute. It is that shocking to my psyche. On one hand it gives me a better sense of well-being, but after so many months with no relief from blood tests and appointments, it is d i f f e r e n t.

On another subject…

With the passing of the famed astronaut Neil Armstrong, I’ve done some news searches on his life and the lives of other astronauts. This led me to a news conference with the Apollo 13 astronauts, and their firsthand account of their flight in space and miraculous trip back to earth. I googled the astronauts and read something that really hit home for me. Jack Swigert died early in life of cancer. The account I read stated that he was diagnosed with cancer in a nasal passage sometime during his political campaign for Congress. He won the election, but he was never sworn in. In December of that year they discovered that the cancer had spread to his bone marrow and his lungs. He died before the end of December.

It went to his marrow and within a very short time he had died. I think about that. Cancer in the bone marrow was an automatic death sentence in 1982. Last year cancer had overtaken my bone marrow almost to completion, and here I am today. It gives me pause; and it makes me glad that I am busy living life one year later.

It’s a lot to take in.

Psalm 118:24
This is the day the LORD has made; We [I] will rejoice and be glad in it.

A Good Report

Posted on July 19, 2012 by eileen

Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression,
But a good word makes it glad. Proverbs 12:25

The Proverbs are so full of wisdom and give us understanding in the very basics of life. I was reminded of the impact of “a good word” this last week.

I have been blessed with phone calls and other acts of kindness, and I can’t quite describe the value this has to a person in my situation. Frank sees my reaction many times. I usually can’t finish the sentence without tearing up. Some friends recently toured Italy, and when they told me they visited all of the churches there and took time to pray for ME in each one I was overwhelmed! I can’t imagine someone taking time out of their vacation to pray for me, to have my situation be so present with them when they were so far away—that they would PRAY for me! That is a good report. That makes my heart glad. The Scriptures tell us what their report brought to me was healing to my bones. I can’t thank them enough.

In August, 2011, when arriving at the doctor’s office to find out what course of treatment I would need for my diagnosis of cancer in the bones and marrow. I had prepared myself for the worst. But before that, I had come across a similar verse: The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, And a good report makes the bones healthy. (Prov. 15:30) I remembered going in to the appointment thinking that a good report would be nice. I wanted healthy bones! To be quite frank, I think the doctor was a little surprised at my reaction when he told me that they no longer do bone marrow transplants for breast cancer patients; chemotherapy has proven to be just as effective. For me, that was a good report. I told him so.

Instead of walking out of his office downcast about the return of breast cancer, I walked out with a little relief in my heart and a lightness in my step. As Proverbs 12:25 states, a good word had made my heart glad. I had prepared myself for the worst possible course of treatment, and I had had a good report. My prayer was that would then be healing to my bones as well.

Most recently, my MRI results showed nothing going on in my ear (which still remains clogged.) It’s not any fun having a clogged ear, but the results were another good report. I had just started realizing how the uncertainty of this was keeping me from moving forward with some volunteer work that I wanted to pursue. I didn’t want to commit to something when things were still up in the air on this. The good report was a relief to me, and I noticed that my sleep immediately improved. This had weighed more heavily on my mind than I had even realized.

I know it sounds kind of odd to take this Scripture so literally, but I’ve begun to see that some of the stuff we used to think as symbolic, has actually been proven out in modern medicine. One’s state of mind is brought up time and again in reports of success rates. The ancient manuscripts of the Bible were ahead of the game on this one too.

I want to praise the Lord for my growing strength, despite the recent setback (May) of a new diagnosis. I am back to walking my old route in my neighborhood, at Balboa/Newport pier, and Downtown Disney. I thank God for this energy, for this renewed strength. Your prayers and acts of kindness are helping. Thanks!

Study in 2 Corinthians

Posted on June 7, 2012 by eileen

¹⁷For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, ¹⁸while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-19

I’ve been doing an overview study of the New Testament, and have been especially blessed with some truths in 2 Corinthians. The apostle Paul talks a lot about his trials and persecutions, and has put some great thoughts on paper for me to contemplate.

He gives some reasons for suffering in chapter 1. I have always looked to one verse in particular, that states we go through sufferings so we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God (v. 4). Another reason is so we can trust in God—who raises the dead—rather than ourselves (v. 9). This goes to the root of why we even bother to hope—it is because we can pray to God Who does raise the dead!

Yet another reason that has come out is the benefit that all the believers get when they walk through the trial with you. Allowing others to participate in your season of trial not only lightens the load during the trial (my benefit, indeed;) but they also get to praise God right alongside you when He gets you through the affliction. So our trials are not only for our sake, they are for the sake of the body of believers. This is Paul’s point in verse 11. I know I am not going through this affliction by myself. I have people praying for me, and it is the only reason I can be at peace.

I also like this section of Scripture, though being persecuted for my faith to the degree that Paul and many believers go through is not in my experience, I believe it does qualify for my present trial. God gives us the strength despite setbacks, not to despair.

⁷But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; ⁸we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed… 2 Cor. 4:7-9

In closing, I like the following illustration on suffering that was shared from this study in 2 Corinthians. Credit to M.R. De Haan, from his book Broken Things.
A little piece of wood once complained bitterly because its owner kept whittling away at it, cutting it and filling it with holes. But the one doing the cutting paid no attention to its complaining. He was making a flute out of the piece of ebony, and he was too wise to desist from doing so, even though the wood complained bitterly. He seemed to say, “Little piece of wood, without these holes, and all this cutting, you would be a black stick forever – just a useless piece of ebony. What I am doing now may make you think that I am destroying you, but, instead, I will change you into a flute, and your sweet music will charm the souls of men and comfort many a sorrowing heart. My cutting you is the making of you, for only thus can you be a blessing in the world.”

Wow!

He Was Waiting

Posted on May 16, 2012 by eileen

A wonderful assurance that God is helping me through this, ready and waiting with all that I need has come to my attention the last few days.

When I went to see my oncologist on Friday morning, we were told that we needed pre-approval on the new drug before they could administer it, and since it was Friday, maybe they could get an answer by the following Tuesday—at best. They would then call and set up an appointment for later in the week. So we were hoping I could start the new drug by late this week, if things fell into place.

At 5:30 late Friday afternoon, I received a phone call from the doctor’s nurse practitioner, and she was floored—the approval came back the same day. Not only that, it took maybe 10 minutes or so! She was flabbergasted, and said that just never happens.

It just made me think of Jesus words about the Father, that He knows what we need before we even ask (Matt 6:8.) On Friday, it was almost like He was at the other end of that FAX machine, approval in hand—waiting—we just needed to get the request to Him!

Thank You, Lord, for this sweet affirmation of Your presence and provision.

Yesterday I had my first dose of the new drug. Tuesday. Pray for it to be effective without negative side effects. Thanks.

^{from Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 6}

⁷And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.

⁸“Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.

Job Part II: God’s Boasting

Posted on April 19, 2012 by eileen

It has been my good fortune that I have not been able to commit to much of anything while I am recovering from chemo. So, I’ve participated in what I can hope to complete, and thus have engaged in a great Bible study, some ministry training, and a financial workshop! No, I normally don’t do this on top of my weekly commitments at church, but they all “landed” in the same time frame, so there you have it! I take each a week at a time, though, and am grateful for each one I can complete. They are working a good purpose in my life.

My weekly women’s Bible study in the book of James has been great. We’ve had time to really dig in to the book and to minister to others throughout the time. This last week, though, hit me so hard between the eyes, I was just overwhelmed—in a good way! In James 5:11 James refers back to Job, the book that gave me so much encouragement early on in this trial. The focus was this: “…and you have heard the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord.”

Beth Moore’s study brought out a harvest of spiritual fruit as we went back and considered Job, but the best part was what I had overlooked way back then: God’s boasting (1:8.) I had seen God’s sovereignty in Job—that He knows the end before the beginning, that NOTHING can touch us without His permission—but I had not considered the point that He was boasting. I love Beth Moore’s commentary here, and it is awash with hope and with our Abba Father’s personal love for His children ( I apologize that this is not in proper format, but I have limitations on this blog):

“The Lord boasting in any mortal is almost unthinkable. We feel like our feet of clay mainly just leave muddy footprints. Consider the even wilder part: God can’t lie (see Num. 23:19), so His boasts are always based on truth. He permits and sometimes even dictates difficulty for those in whom He boasts so that they will prove what He already knows is true. The Lord does not put us to tests that He knows in advance we don’t have the wherewithal to pass. He boasts in His faithful followers then lets them prove Him right. Sometimes the person most shocked by the proof is the human put to the test.”

This is a taste of how I processed this: Can you imagine? The Creator of the universe bragging about His creation? Could He possibly ever boast about me, a little servant here, muddling her way through—would He actually boast? Could it be that God wanted to not only demonstrate to the “accuser” what He had already been working out in me all of these years, but to show what He would perform in me (i.e. an even greater resolve to trust Him and turn to Him, to praise Him for all the years He had given me, to praise Him despite the trouble, and yes, even witness His mighty Hand at work in my body as an encouragement for me to pray in faith for healing.) Yes, He does know the end before the beginning.

Then, some more thoughts: I know very well that He has complete control over this, but can it mean something bigger, like He wants to demonstrate what He can do with a believer who has given this situation over to Him? This goes to His glory, when the trials that come to His children aren’t “just for those involved, but for those who hear and see” what He is doing. (Moore 167) Job said He had always heard of God, but now He had seen Him (42:5) (as did his family, friends,and neighbors;) and James tells us to look back at Job because we heard of his perseverance and have seen what God had intended (5:11). May You be glorified in this situation, Lord, has a totally new dimension here. It’s for all of us to hear and see.

This trial makes me feel so special. Oh, what God-colored lenses can do for a situation. This (me, my reaction) most certainly has to confound the wise. (I Cor. 1:27)

4.5 is not my GPA

Posted on April 6, 2012 by eileen

…but it is my white blood count number! More to rejoice over! This puts it in the normal range, along with all of my other readings. Even more testimony to the good, no, the GREAT work, God is doing in my body. When I went through chemo 14 years ago, it took over 2 1/2 years to get close to a 4, and most of my readings ranged from 3.5 to 4.1 over the last decade. So this, 4.5, is GREAT!

I had an MRI on Thursday afternoon to try to figure out the lingering problem of my ear. No pain at all, just a nuisance, because it feels clogged and stuffy, but no signs of infection. It has been this way since late May of last year, but it took second place to the cancer treatment for obvious reasons.

I was very distracted and did not remember to post the coming MRI, although I had my church praying. Those who missed out on the prayer for this can pray that the problem in my ear is easily resolved and made evident to the doctors.

On another note, I have been remembering the crucifixion on this Good Friday, and have been reading a book on the 53rd chapter of Isaiah, a picture of the sacrifice Christ made on our behalf. Lately, I’ve pondered the Crucifixion in a fresh way, in terms of the stripes (beatings he took) by which we are healed. This passage talks about Him taking on our iniquities/transgressions, which I have laid hold of every day since becoming a Christian; but the healing is just as much a part of the work of Christ as the salvation of our souls.I wonder why it is that we emphasize one, but not the other work of the cross. Then I think of all the miracles/healings Jesus performed while He walked the earth. He even said that we would do even greater works (Jn. 14:12).

I have personally experienced unequivocal, non-medical interventional healings in my life at least 4 times that I can point to, because there was an outward sign that came with it. My experience on August 1 accounts for two healings that were visible. I can’t help but wonder what else God has for us to experience personally as Christians. I think there could have been even more healed in my body on August 1 that was not visible to the naked eye. To me, there is no explanation, with tumor cells having almost completely overtaken my marrow, for me not to have my organs involved. I wonder if God took care of those organs also that night, and left me with the cancer in the bones so I had something to watch and record. In His grace, He had left enough for the doctors to work with that they didn’t just send me home to get my things in order.

Then, I think of another facet of one of His miracles (it seems I keep returning to this, with different insights each time.) When some men tore off a roof to a house to lower their paralytic friend in so he could be healed by Jesus, the first thing Jesus did was forgive this man of his sins. This was considered blasphemy, because only God can forgive sins; He knew what this crowd was thinking and said, “to show that the Son of Man has the authority to forgive sins, (to the paralytic) ‘Rise, take up your pallet and go home.’” (Mark 2:1-12 paraphrased) Oddly (to the current day Christian) we accept Jesus forgiveness of sins so readily (while the Jews were more cautious), yet we miss out on the other part of His ministry, which He probably did far more often to prove who He was—supernatural events, like healings. I have been blessed with a Catholic mother who NEVER doubted God’s ability to heal, and that has been instrumental in my going to Him to heal the BIG things. It’s great to see this intrinsic belief in God Almighty coming together with passages of Scripture in such a vivid way.

The Christian walk is full of growth when we continue walking in it. What was once theoretical has become so much more concrete to me. When I see Him face to face someday, I want to have known I realized His Fullness here and didn’t short-change myself on all that He had done for me on the Cross.

Until His return,

Eileen

Buca di Birthday

Posted on March 19, 2012 by eileen

My birthday was full of FOOD from start to finish. It took til lunch before I remembered that a photo might be nice (I’m NOT a morning person.)

My day started out with one of my longest-known friends, Beverly. We had a great breakfast and blabbed til almost lunch! Then, a lunch (fortunately LATE!) with one of my newest friends, Joy, who has been such an encouragement to me and my family as we’ve gone through the last few months. I like how she reminds me that this life is all a vapor, and then there is forever! It helps put a reality-check on what we can become so encumbered with in this lifetime. Thank God that trials have a time limit. We always seem so preoccupied with what we will miss—anyone up for no sadness or tears?

After recovering from all that eating, I was wondering if Frank and I could still pull off the Buca di Beppo dinner we decided on…well, what Italian guy is going to forego an Italian dinner? We pulled it together (VERY LATE) and had a great time. We even got a photo for the evening.

Frank is my friend for a lifetime, and I thank God for the deep friendship that comes with years, but is magnified by a devotion to God. I’m sure that all of it is for “such a time as this.” (Esther 4: 13-14)

Thank you, Father, for my times and the wonderful place I am in.

Alive at 55!

Posted on March 17, 2012 by eileen

Well, I made it! Now I can go to Ross and the theater and get a Senior Discount! Woo-hoo! Better yet, my latest bone scan shows no further cancer growth!!

This birthday, and those of others that I have celebrated recently, has had so much more meaning over the last few months. What a gift to celebrate another year of life.

God continues to weave the tapestry of my life. This last year had some dark colors woven in, but there was a lot of red and white too. I’ve had the opportunity to experience the Scriptures:The blood of Jesus, the Perfect Lamb of God, not only covered our sins, it brought us healing, “by His stripes we are healed.” (Isa. 4-5)

That was red.

Then, there is white. Hope, revelation, new life. Through the dark times, there were splashes of white. These were all the friends and family who encouraged me and prayed; the laughter that comes when you know you do not have to worry and you are free to laugh and enjoy sweet fellowship with the ones you love; and finally, answers to prayer!

This has been a great year.

I thank God for continued friendships, renewed friendships, and revived relationships.

And to you, “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” (Phil. 1:3)

Yes, it’s been a very, very good year.

Praise God \o/ (that is me lifting up my arms in praise–a symbol passed on to me from David.)

Isaiah 53 (messianic prophecy 700 B.C.)

New King James Version (NKJV)

53 Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
²For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
³He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

⁴Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
⁵But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
⁶All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

⁷He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
⁸He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
⁹And they^[a] made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.

¹⁰Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand.
¹¹He shall see the labor of His soul,^[b] and be satisfied.
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
For He shall bear their iniquities.
¹²Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the transgressors.

Gaining strength, walking in hope

Posted on February 16, 2012 by eileen

I’ve had so much fun staying awake and not needing naps lately. Every-so-often, I feel the need to have a little rest, but nothing like it was even a month ago!

I continue to ask for prayer and am so happy to receive it: women’s Bible study, home group, and people who gather around me on occasion after a church service. How blessed I am to have praying Christians doing battle for me!

I saw the doctor today, and the bloodwork looked fine. White blood cells are a little below normal, but my hemoglobin and platelets are now in the normal range. I will be going in for my bone treatment on March 1st, and will be getting another bone scan sometime in March. I ask for your continued prayers of thanksgiving for what God has already done, and ask for His power to heal me completely.

Thank you and God bless you.