People keep asking me how I am doing, and I have to say fine; not because it’s the polite thing to say, but because the only difference in how I have felt physically (and overall spiritually) since the test results on my marrow has been the test results themselves.
Soon after the results, thoughts began to creep in about the uncertainty of it all. But then, God in His grace, brought the very truth to mind that the only thing that changed between Thursday and Saturday, were the test results on Friday. Was I going to let the news determine how I felt mentally, when up until that point I had felt fine physically? And, the fact that I still feel physically fine?
I also caught myself saying something in my prayers one morning that really made me chuckle: I thanked God for my health! I have made a habit of saying many prayers for my loved ones and asking for blessing on the day, etc before I get out of bed (one of my unemployment benefits!) It was so weird, because I was earnestly thanking God for my health–and then I caught myself and said, oh, I guess I’m not healthy anymore, am I Lord? But just as I stated that, I also said, Well, I thank you for the health that I do have, because I feel fine. Thanks for my mobility, my vision being good again so I can do my sewing, for no pain! So, in a nutshell, that is a lot of what I am processing. I’m thanking Him for the good.
Then, I am reminded of so many Scriptures that talk about our mindset. The one that is most prominent is: Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things [emphasis mine.] (Phil. 4:8) The beauty of it is that it is right in the context of Paul exhorting us to be anxious for nothing, but to pray with thanksgiving (Phil. 4:6)
Praying with thanksgiving has become such a prayer habit that I almost can’t pray without it. It just eeks out. I notice it is a natural part of seasoned believers as well. I can remember faltering at this when I first learned of this Scripture, making an effort to find something to be thankful for in the circumstances. I still hear that “practice” part coming out in the lives of new believers, as they are trying to exercise what they are learning about prayer. All these years later, it’s just there for me. I thank God that cancer has happened at this point in my life rather than earlier, because I think this has to play in to my obvious mental health.
Most certainly, I know my mind has to be set on things above as well. It keeps me out of the doldrums. When I feel it sneaking up, I’ve had to make a habit of putting on my praise and worship music. That helps significantly, because sometimes I get weary, and the words just play out for me. Then, before I know it, I’m singing again (and many times dancing.) I thank God that I have the strength for that too!
Please don’t stop praying. I am confident that this battle is being carried a lot by you all. How else could I possibly get through it? And yes, I do pray (and ask for your support in this as well) for a complete restoration of my health, regardless of setbacks.
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.